Turning point
Some of us never had the luxury of being in a closet. To be gay and queer was engraved on our outer shell. Everyone knew and made it a point to make it known, but did I know? My coming out story is about me coming out to self and reclaiming the narrative as told by those around me. I remember the day in High school I had been crying about a boy CRUSH (LOL). Trying to reconcile my feelings toward him and why it made me cry. As I was grappling with this arithmetic dilemma, a note came to my desk asking if I was okay, and in my woozy state, I read it as “Are you gay?” Right there, I had to sit myself down (I was already seated bt-dubs), and for the first time, in a “Are you okay?” note, I wrote it down: ‘I am gay’. Since then, I have found a voice to tell my story in my own words and never misquoted.
Reactions and surprises
One thing about those who seek to define others is that a deafening silence comes when you take hold of the narrative. My friends embraced me with all open arms. However, with family, they developed an organised effort of erasure, denying my sexuality every chance they got, but I had already come out to myself, so it did not matter. Painfully, a safe space (a family member I considered a friend) found Jesus, and life became a crucifixion. I had friends as a support system, so I found new safe spaces.
Guidance and wisdom
I believe that the one thing you can do for yourself is come out to yourself daily. Know yourself beyond the pressures of society; only then can you find your true self. Again, understand that we are not a monolith, so we come out in different ways and many times. Sometimes, we return to the closet for safety and ourselves, which is still okay. I have learned to love every part of myself, deconstruct my traumas, and revel in the person I am.