Turning point
This moment was in Secondary School after I was suspected of being a lesbian. This was the first difficult moment because I was only 17 years old and did not know where to turn. Do I deny my sexuality, accept it, or just pretend and play along with what society expects of me?
At this point, my instincts provoked my inner self to admit and accept that I am a lesbian and no one would influence my change of mind. At this point, I had different feelings, from excitement to anguish and judgment as to whether my actions were right or wrong. But then I knew I was ready for whatever outcome from the student body and some of my family members being informed. After the school tried to engage me in mental conversion therapy, it didn’t yield positive results because I already knew who I was and my sexuality.
Reactions and Surprises
Well, my family members who got informed were absolutely against it and eventually believed me when I denied it after I came home from vacation. I lost some friends because they saw me as bad luck who would not be able to excel in life if I didn’t quit being a lesbian. Others accepted but insisted I needed to change for God to take a turnaround point in my life, or else my life would be messed up.
It was funny and, at the same time, strange for me to get to know all of this at that early age. There and then, the challenges began, and unfortunately, I had no one to hold onto as life became extremely difficult for me, even in my father’s house. My only support was from a distant uncle who didn’t believe I was a lesbian because he knew I was responsible and God-fearing.
Guidance and Wisdom
The first thing I would say to someone thinking about coming out is for them to have some backup support, even if it’s coming from a total stranger. The stigma and discrimination they may face could be on different levels. However, it turns out they should have made those preparations.
I would also advise my younger self not to feel overconfident when coming out because I got disappointed along the line by friends I thought were my allies. Also, the Headmaster didn’t sign my certificate of completion because of my sexuality. Life can take turns, and it’s important to always plan for both positive and negative outcomes.
Throughout this journey, I must confess it has been extremely tough. I can never forget because when I reminisce about my younger self, I cry, laugh, and beat myself up for coming out too early because now, anytime I get into my secondary school, old teachers and patrons who were there by then know who I am. Even though it doesn’t bother me much, I get frustrated that I can get harmed around that area or get negative comments should I find myself in a homophobic space with them. I thank God for this journey, as it has shaped my decisions about what I say when I find myself in a difficult situation where my sexuality becomes a subject matter.
